Suicidal Bhola

An American, an Italian and our own Bhola were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building... They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too." Then Bhola opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dhal again. If I get paratha and dhal one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps too. Then Bhola opens his lunch, sees paratha and dhal and jumps to his death also... At the funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again! The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much." Everyone turned and stared at Bhola's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He used to make his own lunch!"

The Kiss

Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak. In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a stranger, and our own Bhola. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark. They hear a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap. When the train exits the tunnel, the stranger is holding the side of his face, and Bhola is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the stranger tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!" The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange stranger, he'd rather kiss that old woman than me." The stranger is thinking : "Now that's a smart man, he steals the kiss and I get slapped." And Bhola is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss the back of my hand and get away with slapping the stranger."

Bhola's phone call from London

Bhola from Bombay went to London. In the evening, he felt like talking to his wife. So dialled his residence and the following conversation happened:-

Bhola - O-Haello-o-o

Reply - Hello

Bhola smirks as it is an unfamiliar male voice.

Bhola - Kaun hai re tu.

Reply - Shaab, main Bahadur. Bhola - Too kahan se aya. Bahadur - Shaab, mujhe aaj hi MemShaab ne naukri pe rakha hai.

Bhola shifts uneasily at the revealation of his wife's daring at keeping a Hardworking (u can translate work) Pahari bahadur, the day Bhola has left home.

Bhola - Ja ke Memsahib Ko bula.

Bahadur - Shaab, MemShaab to shota hai.

Bhola - Tu Memsahib ko jaga de.

Bahadur - Par Shaab, MemShaab to Shaab ke saath sota hai.

Bhola is Red and White sorry Wild with anger. Bhola - Dekh be Bahadur, Tu meri baat sun. Main tera asli Sahab hoon.

Bahadur - Shaab, to phir MemShaab ke paas kaun sota hai.

Bhola - Woh koi nakli Sahab ban ke aya hoga. Tu aisa kar, drawing room ki diwar par meri bandook rakhi hai. Ja usse leke aa ja.

After a pause.... Bahadur - Haan Shaab, Bandook le aya.

Bhola - Ye telephone ke niche wali daraz men goliyaan padi hain. Isme se do goliyaan Bandook mein daal de. After a shuffling and cranking noise... Bahadur - Haan Shaab, dal diya. Bhola - Ab jake us nakli Sahib ko aur Memsahib ko shoot kar de. Rapport of two gunshots is heard and...

Bahadur - Haan Shaab, maine dono ko shoot kar diya. Ab lashon ka kya karoon. Bhola - Bahar garden mein gaddha khod ke dono lashon ko dafan kar de.

Bahadur - Shaab, aap kya bolta hai. Ye fifteenth floor pe garden kahan se aa gaya. Bhola - Oh, sorry, wrong number.

Bhola in Texas A patrol car has been following this vehicle for about 30 minutes now, when they finally decide to pull it over. The officer steps out and walks up to Bhola's window. "Goodafternoon, sir." "Good afternoon, any problems?" "No sir. My partner and I have been following and observing you for a half an hour now. We ascertained that you have not committed one single traffic violation, you have not gone over the speed limit by even 1 mph, you were courteous towards the fellow drivers on the road. Therefore, as a part of our new "Solid Driving Awareness Program", I would like to present you with this check for $30,000.00." Bhola lets out a big sigh of relief: "Oh good! Now I can finally pay to get my driver's license." Awkward silence, then his wife sitting in the passenger seat goes, "Don't listen to him, officer. He always talks nonsense when he has been drinking." His Grandma, who's a little hard of hearing, adds from the backseat, "Aye aye aye, didn't I tell you not to go in a stolen car?" At this time his trunk pops open and a head peeks out, "Are we over the border yet?"

Bholas Moms Letter

Pyaaaray Lal, I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last person who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetary. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an uncle or an aunty. Your Uncle Herolal fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out- he rolled the window down and swam to safety. The other two friends drowned as they couldn' get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Mom

The American Lady

An American lady is window shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside, goes to the shop and asks in very American accent to the shopkeeper..... What's the time?? The shopkeeper is a very patriotic man and hates foreigners and their English accent while speaking.. So he replies back in the same accent........ Bra-panties!! Confused the lady asks again......... No! No! What's the time?? The shopkeeper again answers back.......... Bra-panties!! Bra-panties!! Seeing the confusion going between the two another passerby comes to the rescue of the lady and says....... Arre bhai, aap samjh nahin rahe ho!! Woh aapko time puuch rahii hai!! The angry shopkeeper shots back at him......... Toh main bhi to unko time hee bata rahan hun barah panthis(12:35)

The Train Driver

One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught. He was questioned . He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc . Then authorities questioned : Are you mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger.You should have run over that person . The driver said : Exactly, that is what I also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close.

Hindi Filmi Dialogues and Jokes How many times have you heard these in Hindi Films?

* The classic: "main tumhaare bachche ki maan banne waali hoon."

* The eternal reason for being the victim of anything that can happen to you in hindi films : " Mai gareeb hoon na , isliye ...."

* A main character in the movie will go to the temple and say : "Bhagwan mainey tumse aaj tak kuch nahin maanga....."

* Old hindi movie : "Aiye ji sunte ho.. Aap bade woh hein."

* Lover-girl to leaving lover-boy : "Mai tumhare bina nahin jee sakti "

* "Kanoon ke haath bahut lambe hote hein"

* "Rukjao! kanoon ko apne haath mein mat lo"

* Judge announcing his decision in filmi court : "Gawaaoon key bayaanat aur saboot ko madde nazar rakhtey Taz-e-raat-e-hind, dafaa 302 ke tahet , muzrim ko sazaaye maut di jaati hai"

* "Muzrim ko ba-izzat bari kiya jaata hai"

* "Main is Geeta per haath rakhkar yeh saugandh leta hoon ki jo bhi kahoonga sach kahoonga, aur sach ke siva kuch nahin kahoonga."

* "Inspector! Giraftaar karlo issey"

* "Raam Raam kaaka"

* "Jug Jug jiyo beta "

* "Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhaane ke layak nahin rahe"

* "Kya issi din ke liye tujhe paal pos ke bada kiya tha?"

* Typical farmer ka dialogue : "mainey is zameen ko apne khoon sey seencha hai"

* Hero/heroine after opening their eyes in the hospital : "Main kahan hoon?"

* "Mai kahti hoon, Door ho jaa meri nazron sey"

* "Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein"

* A Prem-Chopra-type villian to the heroine/village belle : "In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai"

* "Chhod do mujhe, bhagwaan ke liye chhod do"

* "Maine tumhe kya samjha, Aur tum kya nikley!"

* Doctor : " Ab Sab oopar waale key haath mein hai"

* Doctor : "Chowbees ghante tak hosh nahin aiya to ..... "

* "Agar Maa ka doodh piya hai to saamne aa."

* "Jyaada hoshiayari karne ki koshish maat karna "

* Amitabh in many movies : " Nahin chhodunga tujhe. Jaan sey maar daaloonga."

* "Bhagwaan pe bharosa rakho. Sab thik ho jaiye ga"

* "Woh ek gandi naali ka keeda hai"

* "Woh kutte ki maut marega "

* "Ajji sunte ho , munna ke pitajee "

* Rich father to son : " Ek phooti kaudi nahin doonga "

* "Zamaane ne thokar laga-laga ke is dil ko paththar bana diya"

* Dharmendra in many movies : " Kutte! Kamine ! ....."

* Dharmendra : "Chun Chun ke maaroonga, ek-ek ko chun chun ke maroonga"

* Lalita Pawar in many scenes : " Chudeil! Kide pade tere ....."

* The favoirite emotional blackmail : "Tune yeh kiya to tu mere mara muh dekhegi "

* All filmi chowkidaars : " Shhalaam Shhaab!"

* Inspector Iftekar on a megaphone : " Apne aap ko police ke hawaale kar do. Police ne chaaron taraf sey tumhe gher liya hai. Apne hathiyaar phenk do "

* "Bhaagne ki koshish mat karna"

* "pulice ko tum jaise naujawaanon per naaz hai"

* The classic : " Thairo! Yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti !"

* The villian's sidekick : "Boss! Maal pakda gaya "

* "Bol! Bol heere kahan chuppa rakhe hai "

* "Ab tumhari maa hamare kabze mein hai" "Agar tum paanch llaakh leker, silver beech ke puraney killey pe nahin aiye, to mai usse bum se udaa doongaa"

* "Yeh sauda tumhe bahut mehnga padega"

* "Jo sheeshe ke gharon mein rehte hein, woh doosron pe paththar nahin phenkte"

* "Hum woh hein jo paththar ko kaanch se tod-liya karte hein"

* - The stereotypical announcer : "Bhaiyon aur behnon ...." "Ladies and Gentelmen ..." - Mehmood, the announcer : "Ladies and Ledas ...."

* "Mai tumahara aihsaan zindagi bhar nahin bhoolonga"

* "Itnay paise tum kahan sey laiye ?"

* "Police mere peeche lagi hui hai .."

* "Tum mere liye mar chuke ho"

* "Ghar mein do-do jawaan betiyaan hein"

* "Lo! - Muh meetha karo"

* "Hato naa! Log kya kahenge"

* "Khabardaar jo mujhe haath bhi lagayaa .."

* "Aarre! isse to tez bukhaar hai"

* "Aaj Pinky ka janam din hai"

* "Gurkha, isse dhakke maarke bahar nikaal do"

* Nirupa roy's favourite "Ek baar mujhe maa kehkar pukaro beta"

* "... mujhe tumhaare is behte hue khoon ki kasam ...."

* "Beti, tu to paraya dhan hai"

* "Zabaan ko lagaam do .."

* "Pesh hai duniya ke jaane-maane kalakaar, Miss Renu"

* On a suhaagraat nite, wife to husband : " Doodh pee lijiya"

* "Hume tedi anguli se ghee nikaalna aata hai"

* "Kutte ki dum tedi-ki-tedi hi rehti hai"

* "Bhabhi, tumhare haath ki chai peene ko man kar raha hai"

* "Tune mere peeth pe chura bhoka hai"

Specific dialogues :

Hapless victim: " Bhagwaan ke liye mujhe chhod do!"

Shakti Kapoor : " Aaare bhagwaan ke liye chhod doon to mai kya karoon? prasaad khaoon?"

---- Utpal Dutt to his daughter in GolMaal : "Tumhari shaadi usse nahin hogi jisse tum pyaar karti ho, balki usse hogi jisse mai pyaar karta hoon."

---- "SHOLAY" involving GABBAR SINGH (AMZAD KHAN) and his CHAMCHAS. GABBAR - Kitne aadami the ? SAMBHA - Do, Sarkar.. GABBAR - Woh do the aur tum char, Phir bhi tum log wapas aa gaye... Haramzado, Gabbar ka naam mitti main mila diya... Iskee sazaa milegi, jaroor milegee...

---- GABBAR - Tera kya hoga, re Sambha ? SAMBHA - Maine to aapka namak khaaya hai, Sarkar.. GABBAR - To aab goli bhi kha le...

---- Dharmendra is up on top of the water tower threatening to commit suicide and is very drunk. Down below there are many villagers watching the drama unfold, and this classic situation involves two of these fine gentlemen - G1, and G2. Dh: Gaon vaalon, mein vahi karoonga jo Heer ne Ranjha ke liye kiya tha, Romeo ne Juliet ke liye kiya tha - sosait, sosait, sossaait (suicide). G1: Arre bhai, yeh sossaait kya hota hai? G2: Arre bhai, jub ungrez marte hain, to usey sossaait kehte hain!!!! Hats off to the genius who wrote the dialogues!

---- Hope you enjoy this TOOTI PHOOTI Hindi / English! The movie is Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro: The funniest line in the film was probably when Naseeruddin Shah takes over the role of Duryodhana in the MABHARATA play and says "Meine Draupadi ka cheer-haran ka idea DROP kar diya hai" (I've dropped the idea of denuding Draupadi ) Om Puri who has taken over Bhim's role is for stripping Draupadi, while Duryodhan (Naseeruddin?) is AGAINST it... When Yudhishtir, played by some sidey actor tries to stop Draupadi (who is played by Satish Shah's dead body,) from being stripped of "her" clothes, and Om Puri (Bhim) roughs up this Yudhishtir dude saying: "Abey Oy, tu kaun hota hai bolne waala, ham bhi to Draupadi mein shareholderrr hai!"

---- This dialogue is from the movie Namak Halaal. The scene is the one in which Amitabh is introduced to Ranjeet by Ram Sethi for the first time in the movie. Ranjeet: Yeh sab to theek hai, magar angrezi vangrezi aati hai ya nahi. Amitabh: E lo kar lo baat. Are aisi angrezi ave hain ke I can leave angrez behind. I can talk english, I can walk english, I can laugh english, because english is a funny language. Bhairon becomes barren and barren becomes Bhairon because their minds are very narrow. In the year 1929 when India was playing Australia at the melbourne stadium Vijay Hazare and Vijay Merchant were at the crease. Vijay Merchant told Vijay Hazare. look Vijay Hazare, this is a very prestigious match and we must consider it very prestigiously. We must take this into consideration, the consideration that this is an important match and ultimately this consideration must end in a run. Ranjeet: O.K., O.K. Amitabh: In the year 1979 when Pakistan was playing against India at the Wankhade stadium Wasim Raja and Wasim Bari were at the crease and they took the same consideration. Wasim Raja told Wasim Bari, look Wasim Bari, we must consider this consideration and considering that this is an important match we must put this consideration into action and ultimately score a run. And both of them considered the consideration and ran and both of them got out. Ranjeet: O shut up.

---- On similar lines: Low life goondaa "eve-teasing" the heroine is accosted by a mean-looking crowd. Man 1: Tumhaare ghar mein kyaa maa, behen nahi hai? Ranjeet's rejoinder: Maa, behen to hai; lekin biwi nahi hai! Audience Member: Abbe maaro saale ko!!

------- Heroine's Father/Mother: Kullachchini, maine tujhe issi liye paal-pos ke badaa kiya thaa ke tu mujhe yeh din dekhaaye?! Mom: Kalmoohi! Maine tujhe issi din dekhne ne liye paidaa kiya thaa! Ke tu mere peeth peechey gulcharrey udhatee phirre!? Dad: Haraamzaadey! Teri itni himmat! Meri beti par dorey daalta hai! Teri haesiyat he kya hai? Raaj Kumar: Arre jaani, jaane bhi do. Do pyaar bharey dil hain. Gulcharrey nahi udhaengey to kya world affairs discuss karengey kya?

Standard plot in Hindi films:

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A poor man ekes out his living , providing for his wife and three sons. A happy family . Here comes the villian, frames (kills) the poor man, rapes (blinds) the wife and puts the sons in three different parts of the city. Bees Saal baad- The sons grow up , typically under different religions, meeet/fight each other. One of them romances the rich villian's good(Yummy!) daughter, the second helps his own father, the third helps his mother ,they all help the chawl, society or whereever they live, ...songs, dance,..and so on and so forth. Then suddenly they realize thru a family song (Yaadon ki Bhaarat) or thru some family mark or letter (AAA) that they are one family. The villian also realizes this and starts his pranks. And then they all go and do dishooom.@@**..bang.bang! Dishoom..##%^ the villian is defeated/killed, the police come(last but one scene), arrest the goondas..... The poor man meets his wife, the sons meet their father/mother, the father/mother meet their honewali (ya ho gayee) bahu/bahuen..... and they all live happily ever after.

----- This one is a real good one: The villain has the heroine tied to an electric chair with a long electric wire leading to a switch. The villain throws the switch and the electricity is now shown flowing towards the heroin. The hero is running towards the heroine racing with electricity to save her, and yes he is catching up.

More funny episodes: Actors : Paintal, Keshto Mukherjee Paintal is chasing Keshto Mukherjee and the chase leads both of them to a hospital. Keshto keeps going in circles in and out of different corridors and finally sees an empty stretcher lying around. Keshto lies down on the stretcher and covers himself up with the plain white bedsheet. Paintal comes panting and does not see Keshto anywhere around but he does spot the stretcher and lifts the top of the bedsheet out of curiosity. The moment the bedsheet is uncovered, Keshto who is still lying on the stretcher, says in a hushed up voice: "Dead body, dead body". Paintal immediately covers up Keshto again and runs away from there!!. Things about Desis in America!

Some Q & A :

Q. How do desis in states have fun ? A. Read technical books

Q. What do you call it when a desi tries to imitate an American ? A. Artificial Intelligence

Q. Why do desis go to a bar ? A. To stand in a corner and look at the blondes on the sly.

Q. What is a desi's favorite rhyme ? A. Earn money. look funny. (like a zombie, having spent a lifetime in the lab)

Q. How do you make a desi's eyes light up ? A. Wave a dollar bill on his face.

Q. What is a desi's most exciting part of life ? A. Doing an assignment for a girl.

Q. Why do desis drink a can of beer ? A. so they could get high.

Q. What do you call a desi between two blondes ? A. A misfit.

Q. Why do desis wear goggles ? A. To look at blondes

Q. What do desis mean by fun ? A. Sighting blondes sitting in a car with sun glass doors.

Q. What do you call a desi gathering ? A. Techinical conference.

Q. When does a desi smile ? A. After seeing his pay check.

Q. When do desis go to the temple ? A. Just before the finals week.

Q. Why is Cinemax's (cable) Friday after dark so successful ? A1. Because, all desis watch it.

Q. Why do desis drown in a swimming pool ? A. Because they have pot bellies.

Q. What does a desi do on a date ? A. Bore the hell out of the girl's mind by talking about his assignments and how he solved the problems.

Q. How can you punish a desi ? A. Ask him to talk to a girl without offerring to do her assignment.

Q. What is the desi's chronic speech impediment ? A. His accent.

Q. How does a desi confuse another desi ? A. Speak with an american accent.

Q. Why are desis famous for floating in the swimming pool ? A. Because of their strikingly prominent tummies.

Q. How do you describe a desi ? A. A short zombie who looks intimidated.

Q. Who do you call a smart desi ? A1. One who can drink two cans of beer and still walk straight.

Q. What is a desi's philosophy of life ? A. Eat, sleep and work.

Q. How does a desi bragg ? A. Tell fellow desis that a blonde smiled at him.

Good Ol Barber

There is this Good Ol' Barber in some city in US. One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door. A Desi Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies; 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there - A Dozen Desis waiting for a free Haircut......

Shaadi ke pehle aur baad

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya

Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai

Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye

Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi

Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap

Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic

Shaadi ke baad -Mortgage

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?

Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran

Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss:-)

Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss:-(

Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani

Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma

Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi

Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky

Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen

Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Top Laloo the Prime Minister Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif. They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes. Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement. "Nawazbhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo says. Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached! The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours. "Sab Akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge free doonga, video khareedein to cellphone free... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein bihar free milega, bas!"

Laloo's speech Excerpt from a Laloo Prasad Yadav Speech (it was really said by him) "I Thank You All For Coming Here From The Bottom Of My Heart And Also From My Wife's Bottom"

Laloo and the Japanese Delegation Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"