Stages to Successful Living
with Loss
All
grief is unique because each life is unique. It usually takes sometime
to recover from the loss. Be patient with the process in yourself and
others. Deep wounds of the soul often require more time to heal than
wounds to the body. But healing will come. We don't control the process
and that leaves us feeling very dependent. But that dependence is on
a good God whose love will never let us go.
Let's look at four stages of grief that we must go through
if we are to successfully live with our loss.
Stage 1: Accept the Reality of
the Loss
What has been lost: It is critically important for the grieving
person to begin by fully acknowledging the reality of who or what has
been lost. Shock is to be expected at the news of a loss. This initial
stage of shock may last several days or weeks after one suffers loss.
It is the initial defense that God provides to enable us carry on under
unbelievable circumstances.
What can not be lost: God's understanding: The honest cries for
help and strength from our hurting souls are heard by a God who understands
our hurt. Yes, He is touched with our grief.
God's love: It keeps us going when nothing else can! Whatever
we encounter in the valley of our grief, we will be able to handle because
nothing we can even imagine can separate us from His unfailing love
(Ps. 46; Rom. 8:35-39).When it seems that we have lost everything else,
we can know that we have not lost God's love.
God's Presence: Comfort also comes from knowing that even when
we can't feel Him, we know He's there with us in the dark valley of
our pain.(Heb. 13:5).
Stage2: Let Yourself Feel the
Loss.
Grieving over the loss is not the sign of lack of faith, though, some
people think so.We can grieve with hope unlike those who don't have
hope. 1Thess. 4:13. Hope gives us a glimpse into the eternal perspective
of God and reminds us that something better is yet to come. But one
thing is sure, hope does not lessen the emotional upheaval nor the intensity
of our pain.
Grief is universal. All who grieve will feel sadness, anger,
guilt, anxiety, loneliness, fatigue, helplessness, shock, and numbness,
etc. Do not be alarmed if some of these things happen. It's a healthy
part of the grieving process because it helps us express our emotions.
It's Okay to cry. We need to accept the fact that even God's
people will face pain and sorrow. However, it is the hope of a better
day that makes the bitter tears of today bearable.
Jesus experienced grief too. The Lord Jesus Himself was known
as "a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (Is. 53:3). He was willing
to enter into the pain of His friends, when He wept at the tomb of Lazarus
whom He deeply loved (Jn. 11:36). Grief indicates a person's aliveness
and involvement, not his immaturity and weakness. It is the living who
grieve, not the dead.
Stage 3: Learn to Live with the
Loss.
Facing a loss, whether it's a death or some other traumatic event, brings
maturity. Grief provides the opportunity for a person to discover what
his character is really like and to reconsider what's really important
in life. No one is ever the same after experiencing a significant loss.
Three primary tasks will be necessary.
Accept your new situation. Acceptance means making decisions
and moving on. Life is not over. It will always be different, but it
still can be good because of the goodness of the God we serve (Ps. 118:1,5-8).
Remember the promise given to Joshua in Joshua 1: 9.
Actively Participate in life again.The virtue of perseverance
is best learned in the crucible of suffering and grief (Rom. 5:2-5).What
we really believe is demonstrated in the tough times.
Maintain your friendships.Feelings of alienation, aloneness,
and abandonment are prevalent during this period of adjustment.The best
antidote for alienation is to begin to reinvest in relationships with
hurting people. The qualities of empathy and compassion are born out
of our own painful encounters with loss.
Stage 4: Reinvest in Love.
The return of the desire to love again is the best indicator that the
stages of grief have been completed well. Trusting in God's enduring
love is the only thing that will sustain us in the tough times of grief.
Share your comfort with others. One purpose of dealing with grief
is to invest in the lives of others who need the same comfort that comforted
us in our grief (2Cor. 1:3-7; Gal. 6:2). Grief reminds us that this
world is not our home; that we are just passing through. A great day
is coming when God will forever vanquish all loss. Rev. 21:4. Until
that great day of renewal arrives, allow yourself the freedom to enjoy
life again. Be encouraged.
"God will wipe away every
tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor
crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed
away." Rev. 21:4.
************************************Letter # 44 (18.11.200)*********
