--- Methinks --- 

So, what do I write about? The new millennium or the hijack? On one side there were joyous celebrations worldwide, while people went mad welcoming the new year and (wrongly) the new millennium and on the other, the greatest democracy in the world was brought down on its knees by a bunch of desperadoes who threatened to kill 155 innocents unless some thugs were released from the Indian prison. 

I choose to write about the millennium. 

Nastredemous lives. The great iron bird flew from the east (Katmandu) and brought despair and misery in its wake. And all those who were predicting the end of the world in 1999 were proved wrong. Well, not quite. It seems to be a case of misinterpretation of what Big N had said. Nastrdemous predictions talked about the end of the millennium and not 1999. And as Arthur C. Clarke has pointed out, the millennium doesn't end until 2001. As the author of '2001 - A space odyssey', he should know. Doomsayers say that the "War to end all wars" will 'happen' this year. Lets wait and watch (and hope and pray).

After all, what is the 2000 hype all about? It doesn't signal the beginning of a new millennium. Maybe. But the psychological impact of seeing those three zeroes is incomparable. And if the millennium doesn't begin until next year, isn't that just one more reason to party.

2000 has fascinated not just you and me, but people since long long back have treated it as some sort of a magic date. In 1789 a play "The year 2000" was written by Nicholas Restif de La Brentonne, a visionary, who talked of an ideal society in 2000 under a benevolent monarch who declares "In the year 2000 virtue never goes unrewarded." Brentonne it seems was behind times. In 1903, W.W.Cook, a freelance writer wrote "A round trip of year 2000" which talked of robots replacing human workers and an uncontrolled capitalism. In the late 60's a book "Woman the year 2000" was published which largely reflected feminist gospel. One of the ideas was that in 2000 boys would be able to cry without being teased.

Christopher Cerf and Victor Navasky in The Express Speak produce a list. A few amazing lines.A few experts on their own areas about the future. 

# "X-rays are a hoax " - Lord Kelvin, physicist, 1900

# "By 1940 the relativity theory will be considered a joke" - George Francis Gilette, American engineer, 1922

# "The radio craze... will die out in time." - Thomas Edison 1922

# "I think there is a world market for about five computers" - T.Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

# "Space travel is utter bilge" - Richard Wooley, British Astronomer Royal, 1956

# "640 Kilobytes ought to be enough for anybody" - Bill Gates, Microsoft, 1982

# "The cloning of mammals is biologically impossible." - McGrath and Solster writing in Science, Dec14, 1984

On that note, I pen off. Enjoy the e-zine. A VERY HAPPY Y2K TO YOU.

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 I got this story from a friend in mail. I really liked it and decided to include it here.
THE STORY BEGINS HERE...

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant in America. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs, so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude.

He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining Or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life.". But it's not always that easy," I protested." Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. It's your choice how you live your life." 

Several years later, I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business: he left the back door of his restaurant open one morning and was robbed by three armed men. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or could choose to die. I chose to live." 

"Weren't you scared" I asked. Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'He's a dead man' I knew I needed to take action." "What did you do?" I asked." Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry." She asked if I was allergic to anything." 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'." Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours - that no one can control or take from you-is your attitude, so if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier. Now you have two choices to make:
1. You can delete this message or
2. You can forward it to someone you care about.




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Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. 
He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face.
"I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"

-------------------------
This guy found the neatest way to make his wife a more careful and defensive driver. He pointed out to her if she's ever in an accident, the paper's gonna print her real age.
----------------------------
"A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer. She wanted to know if the photographer could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head her husband parted his hair on.

"I forgot," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
----------------------------
In the Court:
Lawyer: What happened then?
Ans : He told me, "I have to kill you because you can identify me.
Lawyer: Did he kill you?
Ans : No.


Q : You say you are innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch.
A : Your honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.

Q : At the time you first saw Dr.Gupta, had you ever seen him prior to that.

Q : I understand you're Sameer Roshan's mother.
A : Yes
Q : How long have you known him?
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My grandmother, who lived in Tucson, was well known for her faith and lack of reticence in talking about it. She would go out on the front porch and say, "Praise the Lord!"

Her next door neighbor would shout back, "There ain't no Lord!"

During those days, my grandmother was very poor, so the neighbor decided to prove his point by buying a large bag of groceries and placing it at her door.

The next morning, Grandmother went to the porch and, seeing the groceries, said, "Praise the Lord!"

The neighbor stepped out from behind a tree and said, "I brought those groceries, and there ain't no Lord."

Grandmother replied, "Lord, you not only sent me food but you made the devil pay for it."
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A man is in bed with his wife when somebody knocks the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. 
"Aren't you going to answer that?" Says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. 
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
----------------------------

Getting Arty: 

Here is the ASCII art of the issue.
You can put it in your mail signature, in a text document or just about anywhere. Happy drawing.


o__
_.>/)_
(_) \(_)

(this might not appear properly in the browser)
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Two really dumb people are walking along in a park
Dummy 1: Aww, look there is a dead birdie
Dummy 2 stops, looks up and says, "Where?" 

Two really dumb people were walking thru the woods when one of them looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks"
The other dummy says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." No, those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing and half an hour later both are killed by a train. 
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How to win enemies and repel people. TOP INULTS. 

# You are such an unbelievable waste of oxygen.

# You are cheaper than dirt in desert.

# People say u r a lot less boring when u r asleep.

# Your presence is unneeded, unwanted and usually unnoticed.

# Congrats! I heard u got promoted to idiot!
------------- 
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. My wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes but then the garadge door got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." 

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

------------- 
Quick Hits:

# What's the difference between a female prosecutor and terrorists?
You can negotiate with terrorists. 

* If it works, don't fix it.
* The days of digital watch are numbered
* If I save time when do I get it back?

# If you help someone who is in trouble, he will remember you -- the next time he is in trouble.

# Diplomacy: Saying 'Nice Doggie' until you can find a rock.

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These were actual headlines that appeared in newspapers around the world.

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pay with two $16 bills.

2.The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

3. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis. By the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

4. A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C. A few days later he went with his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch he went out for a sandwich. His girlfriend needed, so she had him paged by the bailiff. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him when he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

5. When two service stations in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

---------------------

Here is my selection of cool links for this month.

http://www.bored.com ( Are you bored.com?, go here.)

http://www.net2phone.com (Phone calls from your pc, to anywhere.)

http://www.teenstation.com (Largest archive for Hindi film music)

http://www.real.com (to listen to above songs, download the free real player)

http://myownemail.com (offers you 200 domain names to choose from)

http://www.coolbuddy.com (Indian friends)

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Your Say: 

Here is a contribution from Deepak from Chennai ---

Two guys walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. The first one immediately opened his backpack, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.  The second one looked at him and said, "You are crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"        

"I don't have to," the first one replied," I only have to outrun you."

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Now I need to ask for your help.

The last month was very slow in terms of new subscribers. Aman's growth rate, while still going up, has slowed considerably. I can't go about putting ads in news-papers. I plan to go for bannner-exchange and something called 'Asian Web Ring' I picked up while browsing randomly.

I'd like your help in bumping those numbers up.

All I am asking is that you forward this e-zine to your friends (with maybe a line here or there about how GOOD it really is ;-) ).You'll have one less
person that you have to forward the jokes to, and I'll have one more subscriber added to my list.

God, I know this sounds like one of those "fund raising" drive things. But I could really use the help. If you'd be so kind as to just put your personal recommendation to friends or loved ones to sign up, it'd mean a great deal to me. Thank you.

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Send your comments, contributions, brickbats and suggestions to: abhishek@amanonline.cjb.net. I'll love to hear from you. Will be waiting. Write 'I say' in the Subject. 

If you are interested in making friends with other people on the web, send you name, age, date of birth, profession, hobbies and  a few lines about yourself . Your profile WOULD appear in coming issues of Aman and it would also appear in the Reader's pages of Aman's web site. You would be online without even having your own web page. Mail to myprofile@amanonline.cjb.net with 'My Profile' in the Subject.

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I hope you have enjoyed the second issue of the e-zine. Have a great month. 
Abhishek.

If you received this e-zine ('s link) from a friend and would like to subscribe, send an e-mail (with just the e-mail address inside it at which you would like to receive the e-zine), to subscribe@amanonline.cjb.net to receive an invitation. Or better still, visit Aman's web site at http://www.amanonline.cjb.net/ and just enter your e-mail in the box provided. 


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