Dear friend, These days many are grieving due to various reasons-crises, losses, esp. of a loved one or job or relationship, etc. Let's look at some of the ways we can handle grief and encourage those who are grieving too. *********************************************************************** Handling Grief with Care

To those who are grieving: 1.Begin where you are. Learn to ask for and receive help. You need not try to be 'alright' for everybody. Don't be afraid to be needy of others in your time of weakness. It is safe to be vulnerable to those who love you. 2. Don't be afraid to cry. Learn that tears are healing for the heart. Keeping the anguish trapped within, unexpressed, will merely increase the pain. Let it find expression in a decent way. 3. Tell it to Father God. Its very comforting to be alone in a quiet place with God so that you can pour out your heart freely even to physically to let out the steam. God understands your pain and sorrow more than and better than any one else and He has His own peace and comfort to offer you. 4.Pen it down. Another helpful thing to do to bring emotional closure is writing letters to Father God or to the dearly departed one. Things unspoken. Dreams unfulfilled. Promises neglected. Regrets. The 'sorrys' and the 'I love yous'. 5.Give yourself time and permission to grief. Suppressing grief under a cloud of busyness with work is dangerous-it will show up in other areas, which may be worse for yourself, your children or others around you. It may take several days or even months for you to deal with the issues of grief. Wait and hold on. However, watch out for depression-seek professional help for it. 6. No major decisions. It's advisable not to make major decisions within the first year of grieving, as we aren't rational. Take time to ponder and consult trusted family members or friends. "sleep on it" and never sign contracts under pressure. 7. Hope for the better days ahead. There is always hope as long as there is life. So do not feel hopeless whatever you grief is. There will be certainly a time to rejoice too. As the night changes into the day, so there is always joy and gladness after the time of grief. Be encouraged. *************************************"There is a time for everything-a time to grieve... and a time to laugh..." (Ecclesiastics 3-Bible). "YOU, who have shown me great and severe troubles, shall revive me again, And bring me up again from the depths of the earth. You shall increase my greatness and comfort me on every side." Psalm 71: 20,21. ************************************ Have you seen our web sites:  The Calvary Network: http://ccnet.web.com; My Homepage: http://othniel.web.com Ministry: http://calvary.web.com; Comfort messages- http://comforting.web.com; Weekly letters-http://encls.web.com Encouragingly yours, Othniel. aocc@vsnl.com *************************************

To those around the bereft: 1.Give permission to grief. Don't rush them to get out of mourning. It is necessary to grieve to give expression to the love that caused it. And if bereavement is unanticipated and prepared for, grief hits harder and hurts more. 2.Be present with them and for them. Extend practical help such as cooking meals, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, child-care, etc. Give help when they can't do anything in their state of confusion. 3. Be non-judgmental (of their feelings, behavior). Suspend judgement on expressions of anger, impatience or 'naughtiness' of children during acute (immediate) period of loss. 4. Listen. Listen with empathy. Withhold advice. Keep theology out: e.g. "God knows best" ; He works all things for good" etc. 5. Be honest and caring. Don't say "I know how you feel" unless you have also lost a loved one or have gone through the same crisis. It's okay to admit you don't know what to do or say. Crying with them and identifying with their pain will go a long way. 6. Be sensitive to solitude. Respect the need to be withdrawn at times. You can keep in touch through cards or letters. You can write a prayer and send it. Allow an interval of time before visiting again. 7 Look out for signs of depression. Arrange for medical care if needed such as anti-depressants especially for traumatic loss. 8. Don't rush healing. There is no fixed time or formula- God HEALS in His time! Pray for them when they do not have the strength to do so. 9. Invite the widow and children to join family weekend activities. Or offer the widow a 'day-off' while you take the children out for the day. 10.Male mentors needed for fatherless boys and girls. Church family/ couples can 'adopt' widows and their children. Consider Godpa/Godma to the children. ******************************** "Weep with those who weep..." (Rom.12: 15). "That you may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (2Cor. 1:3-4). ********************************